I love my husband. I love every part of him, from the top of his head down to his stinky, dirty, naked feet. I have said it before, but I want to say it again. I love him. One thing I really love about him is his dedication to his beliefs and ideals. Even when others don't or can't understand. And it seems like there is a lot of confusion and objection to his choice of being barefoot. And I think that's the hardest part of walking side by side with mh. I want to be supportive. I want to be strong enough to ignore the comments and double-takes. And smart enough to answer questions intelligently. But sometimes it's pretty rough.
You would think New Yorkers would be used to seeing the absurd and yet... The comments and questions are uncomfortable enough, but people take pictures of mh, which I personally find intrusive. One of the many people who took pictures of us today while we were on the subway happened to be a friend of a friend. She uploaded the picture to her facebook profile and captioned it, "Only in New York." Our friend called mh and told him to look at his facebook page, as he had shared the photo. He and mh were excited about seeing it and mh took it in good humor. He tagged himself (and me) in the photo and commented that he thought he looked pretty good in the picture. Within minutes (literally minutes) my phone lit up with a string of comments from several people. I untagged myself simply because I was sick of hearing the facebook notice tone chirping on my phone and seeing negative comment after negative comment. Besides, I hate being tagged in photos uploaded by people I don't even know (and who don't know me). As of this moment there are 22 comments branching from this picture.
The pictures are easy to laugh off. The comments, not so much. Every single person who commented (correction: every friend of ours that commented) had something to say about how gross it is or how dangerous. Not a single person seemed willing to learn or hear more about why being barefoot is not a health threat despite my husband's replies about barefoot benefits and lack of danger. I try not let things like this bother me, but it's hard not to be phased by close-mindedness.
Speaking of close-mindedness... My husband goes just about everywhere barefoot and there are several establishments that claim they have a "No Barefoot" rule when they tell mh he needs to wear shoes upon entering. One such place is our local bank where my husband's mother has account. She is in poor health and mh and I run errands for her a lot. Mh went into the bank for her on Friday and was approached by the bank manager who told him he must wear shoes if he wished to stay in the building. Mh asked if there was a specific rule about it and the manager, who insisted, told him that yes there is a shoe requirement. My husband, being the persistant man he is, said he wanted to see, in writing, the policy that stated that shoes are required. The manager said he would have a copy ready on Monday. Like I said, I love him, but if I had actually been there for this I think my face would have been about the color of a tomato. When he got home and told me all of this, I asked him what happened next. He said he finished his business at the bank and the manager told him to bring shoes next time he comes. He also said the security guard came over as the bank manager was speaking to him and mentioned that he watched the show "Duel Survival," and asked mh if he'd ever seen it. Mh said he'd seen an episode but hadn't watched more than that. As a side note, he said the bank manager seemed a little miffed that the security guard found my husband's barefeet interesting as opposed to just being the proverbial brick wall that would keep mh at bay (not that there was any real conflict. Mh isn't the type to get in someone's face, he's just generous with the question "Why?" which I understand makes a lot of people frustrated). My husband said he'd come back on Monday because he was interested to see the rules sheet the manager described. He also gave the manager his email address. Before Monday came, my husband received an email from the bank's customer service department saying that they require a reasonable standard of attire and footwear and they do not need to have such a policy posted to refuse service to those who do not wish to comply. They did say, however, that if there was a medical condition that prevented him from wearing shoes that they'd be willing to discuss how to proceed in conducting transactions in the future. It was all very bureaucratic. Since this is a bank where we have to do business for my mother-in-law on a regular basis we can't just boycott. Though, mh has been to our bank barefoot many times and has never been approached. He has even gone in with our dog. We use TD Bank, by the way, just so all you barefooters out there know which bank won't cause a stink (at least our location doesn't).
We find a lot of confrontation with larger establishments like this. But every now and then there is a sweet surprise that makes us feel a little better about his barefoot choice. Yesterday, mh and I went to IKEA where he entered (as per usual) without shoes. One of the managers quickly approached us and said, "Sir, I see you aren't wearing shoes. Legally I have have to inform you that this is a warehouse where there could possibly be glass or nails on the floor and any damage to your feet will not be held accountable by IKEA." Mh happily responded, "I'm completely aware and I take any responsibility if my feet get hurt. I go barefoot pretty much everywhere." The man said okay and told us to enjoy our day at IKEA. Mh and I were so pleasantly surprised at how the situation was handled that he wrote a praising letter to the head of IKEA explaining how welcomed he felt and what a wonderful shopping experience we had. I don't know if every IKEA location would handle a foot naked situation similarly, but our experience with that particular location (Hicksville, NY) left us very happy with the company.
I think my husband is very brave. Not only does he allow his feet to be exposed to the elements and conditions of the city, but he allows himself to be exposed to the much harsher human element. You know that old saying "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? What a lie... I think words can do so much more harm than most wounds. I know I may sound like I have a very soft exterior, but it's difficult when your friends just don't understand a life choice and a big part of who you are. Now, I myself am not a barefooter, but when I'm with my husband (which is most of the time), I may as well be. His choices affect my and my son's life in very strong ways. I stand by my husband. It's a difficult terrain, but his path is my path. And he stands by me and my choices.
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